Friday, October 31, 2008

The Three Amigos

badges? we don't need no stinking badges!



The RNC better not have put this in a commercial too! **shakes fist**

The Three Stooges

nyuk, nyuk, nyuk



Update:
After I made this, I happened onto Hot Air and wouldn't you know they had this video up?



And I thought I was being so clever. Not really, I was actually thinking it was so obvious but made it anyway.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Obama's Aunt Found Living in Rundown Boston Neighborhood

hoping for change

From Fox News:

Zeituni Onyango, the aunt so affectionately described in Obama's best-selling memoir "Dreams From My Father," lives in a disabled-access flat on a rundown public housing estate in South Boston...

[snip]

Speaking outside her home in Flaherty Way, South Boston, on Tuesday, Onyango, 56, confirmed she was the "Auntie Zeituni" in Obama's memoir. She declined to answer most other questions about her relationship with the presidential contender until after the November 4 election.

"I can't talk about it, I just pray for him, that's all," she said, adding: "After the 4th, I can talk to anyone."


What an odd thing to say. It's as if somebody told her not to say anything until after the 4th. She didn't say she doesn't want to talk about it, or she won't talk about it. She said she can't talk about it.

I don't know if Obama wants to keep this woman from talking to reporters or not. Maybe he even found it in his heart to give her a little bit of his money after all this time? I wouldn't put it past him.

Or, maybe she is just proud of her nephew and doesn't want to hinder his progress. I mean, let's keep it real here, I would be proud of him if he were in my family. Say what you want about him, but don't deny that he has "reached the big time".

Perhaps the American Media could stop following Joe the Plumber around and check up on it, that's all I'm saying. You did notice that it was the Times of London who broke this story, right?



Update: She's here illegally. Anyone surprised?

Red S.E. Cupp

welcome to the neighborhood

My new favorite author, S.E. Cupp has a sparkling new blog, Red S.E. Cupp.

Welcome to Red S.E. Cupp, my new online home. Here you can peruse my op-eds, view my video clips, listen to my podcasts and read my blog posts. You'll also be able to link up to some of my favorite bloggers, writers, pundits and YouTube auteurs.
To get you started, here is a funny clip of her on The Strategy Room. She and Straka (he of grrrr fame) had a night on the town and got down with Wonder Woman. Straka is a party animal.

Peruvian Faith Healers Predict Election Results

and then form a pan flute band



The results were quickly invalidated when it was discovered no rum or chicken was offered up to Jobu.

Reference.
Don't ask about what else is going on in the video. I don't know, and I don't wanna know.

Introducing: Lil Obama

what a lil rascal!



Hat tip to IMAO for linking to it and Treacher where it originated.

I also posted this on my new Facebook group, Conservative Humor. Feel free to join up and add me as a friend! It's a great place to meet up with like minded people. See the left hand sidebar for my Facebook details.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Carl The Tooth Williams Retires

i knew this sounded familiar

Saw this on Fox News today.

In the past five years he has put together a particularly impressive losing streak, failing to win in 88 successive bouts. He has lost to 42 future world, European, British and Commonwealth champions, including Naseem Hamed, and has fought more bouts than any other boxer in the world. But this one, No 300, will be his last.

"I've had my eye on the 300 mark for a while, and it's a little milestone I want to achieve, but I don't want to fight on," he said. "People keep saying to me that I'll get a call in a few weeks' time offering me a fight and I'll say yes, but I mean it when I say this is it."


It reminded me of an In Living Color skit. Thanks to the magic of the internet and the good people at YouTube, you can see it for yourself.



Speaking of boxing, I found this while searching for the article above. Ricky Hatton is my favorite boxer but I tuned out for awhile after he lost to Floyd Mayweather, that is why the article is a little old.

"It's a strange one, isn't it?" Hatton said. "Father and son is a very touchy subject and we'd have to cross that bridge when we come to it. He's of the opinion that Floyd Jr. has forgotten that his dad helped him to get there. But he didn't harp on about it and I'm not going to ask too many questions."

The 55-year-old Mayweather was more forthcoming about where he'd focus his loyalty.

"Does Floyd give me any money?" he asked. "That answers your question about who I will train."


Interesting turn of events here. I think Hatton would eat PacMan for breakfast, but might have trouble with De La Hoya.

Totally Unnecessary Comment About Who I Am Sure is a Lovely Woman

i got nothing

I am just wondering if anyone knows who does Helen Thomas's makeup? I was thinking Picaso, but isn't he dead?



I started a new label for this: Tasteless Humor. No, I shouldn't label all of my humor that way. Thanks for playing.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

More John McCain Photoshopped Zombie Picture Fun

i couldn't resist



I don't care who you are. That there is funny!

Snagged from Buzz Feed, where there are plenty more. Some good, some not so much. Enter at your own risk, some of them may be offensive.

Halloween Palin Prop Sparks Controversy In West Hollywood

what do you call a guy with no arms or legs, hanging on your wall?

Some guy hangs a Sarah Palin dummy in effigy in his front yard and calls it art. Rachel Lucas posted a delicious demotivator on the subject:



Morisette says the effigy would be out of bounds at any other time of year, but it's within the spirit of Halloween.

He says "it should be seen as art, and as within the month of October. It's Halloween, it's time to be scary it's time to be spooky."

Not to be out spookied by the lib-tards, I decided to decorate my yard as well. I have to say, mine is much scarier. So scary that I don't intend to keep it up too long after Halloween. I'm hoping to take it down on November 4th. I'll need some help, though.

Heavyset Robber Terrorizes Fast Food Restaurants, Sandwich Shops in Phoenix

open and shut case

From Fox News:

PHOENIX — Phoenix police are looking for a robber armed with a sawed-off shotgun hitting fast food and sandwich shops in the Ahwatukee area.

Police describe the man as being heavyset, around 5 feet, 10 inches tall and between 210 and 240 pounds, with a pot belly.


Hmmm. Five feet something, pot belly, a penchant for fast food, and works outside the law? This is awfully familiar ... but I can't quite put my finger on it.

The police have released this composite sketch:



In case you are interested, I used this site to make the picture. It allows you to turn any photo into a sketch on-line. The picture is a little fuzzy because I turned the Hamburgler photo into a sketch first, then added the shotgun, then ran it through the sketcher again. That's right. I'm lazy. Deal with it.

Also, Angry Fat Man over at coolerthanyou tried to steal this post idea. Sure, he posted his first, but he and I both know what he did. He should feel ashamed ... for lots of things.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Barbara West (WFTV) interviews Joe Biden

run! qweek!

I'm sure most of you have seen this video already. Barbara West of WFTV only gave the best interview evah!

Joe Biden's responses?

"Are you serious?"
"Is that a real question?"
"I don't know who is writing your questions."
I'll give Joe credit. He tried to keep his smile going. He even lasted about 30 seconds. No smiles towards the end, though.

If the rest of the MSM gave these kinds of interviews, Barack would never have made it past the Primaries. Heck, he might never have gotten into politics at all!

This picture was snapped of Joe immediately following the interview:


Update: Barbara West defends her interview.

A Catalog of Political Cartoons by Dr. Seuss

horton hears a hoover

Many people are probably unaware that Dr. Seuss also dabbled in editorial cartoons. I know I was surprised when I came across this website a few years ago. It is the website by the author of Dr. Seuss Goes to War: The World War II Editorial Cartoons of Theodor Seuss Geisel

Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel, 1904-1991) was a life-long cartoonist: in high school in Springfield, Massachusetts; in college at Dartmouth (Class of 1925); as an adman in New York City before World War II; in his many children's books, beginning with To Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street (1937). Because of the fame of his children's books (and because we often misunderstand these books) and because his political cartoons have remained largely unknown, we do not think of Dr. Seuss as a political cartoonist. But for two years, 1941-1943, he was the chief editorial cartoonist for the New York newspaper PM (1940-1948), and for that journal he drew over 400 editorial cartoons.


This is my favorite of the bunch. It is dated August 14, 1941 and it speaks to appeasement. Replace the swastika's with Crescent Moon's and the cartoon remains extremely relevant.



Check out the website, A Catalog of Political Cartoons by Dr. Seuss, it gives unique insight into the political climate leading up to and during U.S. involvement in WWII.

Hat tip to Cox & Forkum for introducing me to the editorial cartoons of Dr. Seuss. They have produced an impressive collection of editorial cartoons themselves. Unfortunately, they stopped producing editorial cartoons on September 30th, 2007. However, their website remains up as an archive of their work.

Here is one of my favorites from Cox & Forkum dated August 05,2003:

Sunday, October 26, 2008

John McCain Photoshopped Zombie Picture

oops i did it again

This is just plain wrong. You are running for the highest office in the world. This is hardly the example you want to set. I mean, Brittney is so ... yesterday.



Snagged from Buzz Feed, where there are plenty more. Some good, some not so much.

Vidugiris Pumpkin Carver

go ahead and try it. you know you wanna.

Note: The site that I used to host this app was having problems and it affected the load time on my site. I removed the app. Problem solved. Don't worry! You can still play with the pumpkin! Just go here. Enjoy!

Cool Halloween time waster. An on-line, virtual pumpkin carver. Seeds not included.

New Facebook Group: Conservative Humor

you join. you join now.

I started a new Facebook group. It's called Conservative Humor. Feel free to post links, videos, photos, whatever. I only ask that you keep it PG-13.

Also, add me as a friend on Facebook. My profile name is Jonathon Doyle.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Flash Movie With Joe Biden as Fire Marshal Bill

let me show you something



My inspiration for this came from the caption contest over at Right Pundits. Particularly participant Justin McAffee, whose caption was, "Don’t worry, I’m a fire marshall. LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING"

Hit the nail on the head with that one.

You can find the original In Living Color, Fire Marshal Bill YouTube video here.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Photoshop / Caption Fun: Firestarter

oops! did i do that?

Cowboy Blob has his weekend photoshop/caption contest up. Here is the photo and my entry:


"Whoa, sux to be them."


Yeah. I know. I'm not thrilled about it either. Unfortunately, the obvious Firestarter angle was already taken. So I decided to do something different this time and do a Photoshop entry. Here it is:

1000 Awesome Things

1. finding a unique blog

I found a truly awesome blog today. It is called 1000 Awesome Things. Check it out if you've never been there. It is filled with memories, feelings, and perceptions that many people share. I would describe it as the Jerry Seinfeld stand-up routine of blogs. Here are some samples:

#995 Finding money you didn't even know you lost
#989 Blowing your nose in the shower - I have a feeling that only the men will appreciate this one
#974 High tens
#960 Strategic trick-or-treating - my personal favorite

My summary? Awesome! Counting backwards from 1000 he is at number 910, with the promise of a new awesome entry every weekday.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Shark Eating Seal

welcome google visitors, twisted bastards

McCain Supporter Robbed, Assaulted at Pittsburgh ATM - UPDATE: LIE

bunch of savages in this town

I'm a terrible blogger. I live in Pittsburgh and I had to hear this story from someone who blogs in Texas. Thanks, Rachel.

A knife-wielding man robbed a McCain-Palin campaign volunteer and etched a “B” into her face after he saw a McCain bumper sticker on the woman’s car, Pittsburgh police said



There are a bunch of savages in this town. Granted, this may turn out to be bogus, but I'm not going to dismiss it outright because it is definitely plausible.

I'm not one hundred percent sure what part of Bloomfield this was. There is a distinctive line on Penn Avenue. There aren't any signs marking it, but it is there nonetheless. You are cruising along, thinking to yourself, "This looks like a nice enough area", and then BAM! Ghetto. The storefronts go from tidy to boarded up in the blink of an eye. Not many McCain/Palin posters around there. The streets are pretty much laid out like this: bar, laundry mat, qwik cash, liquor store, repeat, repeat, repeat ...

David Drake brings up a good point on his blog:
Make no mistake about it, this attack is the result of Obama telling his supporters to, "argue with neighbors, get in their face," his supporters are his "ambassadors."

Dave also states that there is no good side to this story. I have to disagree there. I'll take Monty Python's advice and try to find a bright side here. I guess the only good thing to come from this story is that a 20 yr old is working the phones for McCain.

UPDATE: IT'S A LIE!

Todd confessed to police that she was driving alone, looked in the mirror, saw her black eye and the "B" on her face, and didn't know how they got there. She assumed she could have done it herself, she said, and then she made up the story about the attacker.


Also:

Police suspect Todd's wounds were self-inflicted. She remained at police headquarters on Friday afternoon, because police "have concern for her well-being," Kraus said. He said officials are trying to determine whether she needs psychiatric evaluation.


Now don't I feel stupid? No. I'm not the one carving "B"s on my face. I would feel stupid then.

I still can't understand why the "B" was backwards. Even if you are looking in a mirror, you should still be able to tell if you are carving backwards. I mean, you are conditioned to craft a "B" a certain way all your life, right? I'll just chalk it up to her being mentally unstable and carry on.

Giant spider eating a bird caught on camera

damn nature! you scary!

If you are a fan of watching different species fight to the death, this is a must click link.

Also,

Mouse bites snake to death
Heron eats rabbit
Leopard savages crocodile
Shark's killing display



For some reason this made me think of Andre the Giant wrestling a bunch of midgets. I did a quick search on Youtube but couldn't find it. Maybe it was a dream? Anyway, I did find this. Enjoy.

"Gentleman" Saul Weingroff hits midget wrestler Little John

Who Is This Politician?

rain is wet. the sky is blue.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

How Come Republicans Can Not Get Any Good Bands To Show Up?

Hey, how exactly is a rainbow made? I'm sorry. Joe Dirt joke.

Fox News had this article up today. Simple answer? Most artists are liberal. It's no secret. Bleeding hearts and tree huggers.

I take offence to this though:

It's been nearly 30 years since Charlie Daniels had a hit with "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," but any hit is better than no hit. The GOP trots out Charlie and his fiddle every election season, rocking like it's '79 all over again.


Just last year I saw Charlie Daniels when he came to Pittsburgh (Burgettstown, actually, but close enough) with his Volunteers Jam. He brought The Marshal Tucker Band and The Outlaws with him. It was an awesome show. The last couple of numbers featured all three bands on the stage at one time just jamming. One of the songs they played together was "In America" and you could feel the patriotism running through the crowd. Just a bunch of Western PA rednecks having a grand 'ole time.

Charlie has a great website actually. He gets up on his soapbox and tells the truth about the liberals, the troops, and whatever else is on his mind. Here is an excerpt from one of my favorites. It's an old one, directed toward the Hollywood crowd and Sean Penn in particular from when Sean went on his "fact finding" mission leading up to Operation Iraqi Freedom:

Barbara Streisand's fanatical and hateful rankings about George Bush makes about as much sense as Michael Jackson hanging a baby over a railing. You people need to get out of Hollywood once in a while and get out into the real world. You'd be surprised at the hostility you would find out here. Stop in at a truck stop and tell an overworked, long distance truck driver that you don't think Saddam Hussein is doing anything wrong. Tell a farmer with a couple of sons in the military that you think the United States has no right to defend itself. Go down to Baxley, Georgia and hold an anti-war rally and see what the folks down there think about you. You people are some of the most disgusting examples of a waste of protoplasm I've ever had the displeasure to hear about. Sean Penn, you're a traitor to the United States of America. You gave aid and comfort to the enemy. How many American lives will your little, "fact finding trip" to Iraq cost? You encouraged Saddam to think that we didn't have the stomach for war. You people protect one of the most evil men on the face of this earth and won't lift a finger to save the life of an unborn baby. Freedom of choice you say?


You tell 'em Charlie!. I'll take you over Bruce Springsteen any day of the week. I bought his book a few years ago. It is basically a collection of postings that you can probably find in his archives, but well worth whatever I paid for it at the time. So go on over to Charlie's Soapbox. You won't be disappointed. You might even be as pleasantly surprised as I was the first time I stumbled on it years ago.

Here is Charlie performing "In America" after 9-11-01. The video quality isn't the best, but the content is top notch.

Bringing the First Amendment To a Second Amendment Fight

never a good idea



Related: Neil Boortz links to an article about a pizza shop in Detroit that is offering free pizza in exchange for McCain / Palin signs.

Miss Teen Louisiana, Wendys Anniversary Menu, Jim Norton, Orson Scott Card

shameless

Miss Teen Louisiana was arrested at an area Wendy's today. She is accused of trying to steal the newly released book, "I Hate Your Guts!" by comedian Jim Norton. A witness, noted author Orson Scott Card, stated, "Why anyone would want to even buy that book, let alone steal it is beyond me."

Asked to elaborate, the author noted, "I just don't get his humor. The angry little potty mouth thing was old when Lenny Bruce was doing it."

Unrelated, the scams salad on the new Wendy's Anniversary Menu are delicious!

Source: Rhinoceros Times


Confused yet? I wanted to try something different. You see, I'll readily admit that I'm a little bit obsessed with hit counts. I bet every new blogger is. Probably even some of the veteran bloggers. So, I decided to take a look at the current popular Google search terms and make a cheesy story from them.

If you were tricked into coming to this site .... haha! Check out the rest of the site and click lots of things on the sidebars before you leave! If you're a poor sport, one of these is probably what you are looking for:

Miss Teen Louisiana
Orson Scott Card
I Hate Your Guts Jim Norton
Wendy's
Rhinoceros Times

Seriously though, the Orson Scott Card open letter to journalists is a must read.

India launches first moon mission

lunar slurpee's now available

India launched it's first moon mission today. By all accounts it was a success and building has already begun on the moon's surface.



On tap for the next launch? Spokespeople say they will tie some fiber optic cable to the rocket and they should be able to start fielding technical support calls by the end of the month.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Ayers, Obama Relationship Runs Deeper Than Suspected

best friends



New photos uncovered that show convicted terrorist William Ayers and Presidential hopeful Barack Obama have known each other far longer than initially believed.

Mrs. Crabtree, a former nanny of the rambunctious toddlers is quoted as saying, "Those little rascals were always up to something on the playground! If one of the other children would build a nicer sandcastle, William would knock it down! He just couldn't stand it if someone had nicer things than him."

When asked about the behavior of a young Barack Obama, Mrs. Crabtree recalls, "Don't even get me started about him! During snack time he would make all the other kids put their treats into a pile, and then he would distribute a little to each. Somehow he always came away with more than everyone else!"

We will be following this story very closely.

Monday, October 20, 2008

BioShock 2: Sea of Dreams YouTube Teaser Trailer





Admittedly, a very poor trailer, but I am pumped for this release. For those of you unfamiliar with Bioshock, here is an excerpt from the wiki page:

BioShock has received wide critical acclaim: mainstream press reviews have praised the immersive qualities of the game and its political dimension. The Boston Globe described it as "a beautiful, brutal, and disquieting computer game ... one of the best in years," and compared the game to Whittaker Chambers's 1957 riposte to Atlas Shrugged, Big Sister Is Watching You. Wired also mentioned the Ayn Rand connection in a report on the game which featured a brief interview with Levine.

The Chicago Sun-Times review said, "I never once thought anyone would be able to create an engaging and entertaining video game around the fiction and philosophy of Ayn Rand, but that is essentially what 2K Games has done ... the rare, mature video game that succeeds in making you think while you play."

The Los Angeles Times review concluded, "Sure, it's fun to play, looks spectacular and is easy to control. But it also does something no other game has done to date: It really makes you feel." The New York Times reviewer described it as: "intelligent, gorgeous, occasionally frightening" and added, "Anchored by its provocative, morality-based story line, sumptuous art direction and superb voice acting, BioShock can also hold its head high among the best games ever made."


I played it on the Xbox 360 and it was one of the most atmospheric, submersing, enjoyable game experiences I've ever had. Alone with the lights dimmed and the sound blasted is the way to go. I dare you not to shiver the first time you hear a Big Daddy wail like some forlorn mammoth sea creature. For the Ayn Rand fans, there are a ton of themes and references for you.

Hat Tip: 21st Century Paladin.

Did Family Guy Go Too Far Portraying the McCain / Palin Ticket as Nazis?

better question: when doesn't family guy go too far?



From Fox News:

The show's creator, Seth MacFarlane, is an ardent supporter of Barack Obama. MacFarlane has given thousands to the Democratic presidential nominee and the Democratic Party, and even spoke at an Obama rally in Ohio earlier this month.


No, I don't think they went too far. I am willing to give the creators a pass because I am guaranteed at least one deep belly laugh per episode.

I haven't actually seen this episode, but I am a Family Guy fan and can say from my own experience that the show is, indeed, an equal opportunity offender. It's funny so lighten up, Francis.

And now, because I'm a sadistic bastard, I give you Peter the Plumber:

Joe the Plumber, Obama Poster Photoshop

stop the lies



Make your own poster here.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Hines Ward Hits Keith Rivers

that's what I'm talking about

Earlier today, and already on YouTube:



Looks clean to me. Early reports are that Keith Rivers is out for the season with a broken jaw.

Will the league fine Hines Ward? He was already fined in each of the two previous games. He shouldn't be. He plays the game hard. That is why we love him here in Pittsburgh. Go Steelers!

Kool Aid Man

oh yeaahh!

Obama and Ayers Shared an Office for Three Years

discuss at the water cooler

While the old media is busy looking into Joe the Plumbers history, the new media is looking into Obama's relationship with William Ayers.

Crossing Paths Daily: Obama and Ayers Shared an Office (Update: For Three Years)

Obama and his wife were associated with Ayers and his wife from at least 1995 when Obama was hired to run the Chicago Annenberg Challenge (for which Ayers wrote the grant and served on the board) to 2001 when Ayers was serving on the board of the Woods foundation with Obama. That's a long time...

Will people care? Probably not. After all, the bombings happened when Obama was only eight years old. A ridiculous argument. In fact, I submit it is an argument an eight year old would make. Well played, Obama.

Sarah Palin on SNL

Stephen is my favorite Baldwin, heh.



Not too bad. There is another SNL Palin clip floating around out there with a ridiculous rap song. I didn't really care for that one.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Lil O Reilly vs Barney Frank

Bill's inner child



This video from Funny or Die has been popping up everywhere. I had to post it from YouTube because the original doesn't fit in my page borders. The kid has Bill's number pretty good, except for the gay bashing. Bill O'Reilly has his faults, he doesn't need to be labeled with fabricated ones too.

The kid gets it wrong when he says Barney Frank looks like a muppet. I think he looks like Buddy Hackett, Mickey Rooney, Ernest Borgnine rolled all in one. I posted similar sediments the night the infamous interview aired.

He is spot on when he says he sounds like Barney Rubble. Credit where it's due.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Photoshop / Caption Contests

can't get enough of these

Cowboy Blob has his weekend contest up. Here is the photo and my entry:


"Look at the gams on that dame!", "Nice walking sticks!", "Now that's a Chattanooga choo-choo!", "Bully!", "Bully!", "Bully!"

I also entered The Gone Rick Motel's contest. While I was over there I noticed he had me on his blogroll. I will return the favor, but Blogrolling appears to be crapping out at the moment.

Anyway, here is the picture and my entry for his contest:


"I just want to honor my son. This has nothing to do with me!"

Rush - The Trees

class warfare

Rachel Lucas's comments are mingling between The Lord of the Rings and Rush lyrics. I shouldn't be too surprised that conservatives tend to like Rush. Neil Pert, besides being widely regarded as the best drummer evah, is a self described Libertarian, and it comes through in the song lyrics.

It's hard to pick a favorite Rush song, but lyrically The Trees wins hands down, in my opinion.

There is unrest in the forest,
There is trouble with the trees,
For the maples want more sunlight
And the oaks ignore their pleas.

The trouble with the maples,
(And they're quite convinced they're right)
They say the oaks are just too lofty
And they grab up all the light.
But the oaks can't help their feelings
If they like the way they're made.
And they wonder why the maples
Can't be happy in their shade.

There is trouble in the forest,
And the creatures all have fled,
As the maples scream "Oppression!"
And the oaks just shake their heads

So the maples formed a union
And demanded equal rights.
"The oaks are just too greedy;
We will make them give us light."
Now there's no more oak oppression,
For they passed a noble law,
And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet, axe, and saw.




Just for good measure, check out The 50 Greatest Conservative Rock Songs.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Fictionisms: Senator Government

Note: I debated some about posting this because first of all, it is an obvious rip off of Frankj's In My Worlds, and secondly it's not very good. After some consideration I decided that this is my blog and I'll post whatever the hell I please.

The couple was getting ready to call it a night. Their first day touring the nation's capitol was an enjoyable one, if not a little tiring. They were exhausted.

"What is that person doing over by that police station, dear?"

"Why, it looks like he is planting a bomb! By the looks of his tattered clothes and long greasy hair, I would say he is was one of those hippies we read about." The man squinted his eyes to get a better look. "The brochures advised us to ignore them and keep upwind."

"We can't let him just plant bombs anywhere he pleases! There must be something we can do!"

"Whoosh!" A clean, articulate black man appeared before them. He had a red bedsheet draped over his shoulders like a cape. His arms jutted out in a pretend flying position. "Can I be of some assistance? Whoosh!"

"Who are you?"

"I am", he puffed out his chest and placed his balled fists on his hips, "SENATOR GOVERNMENT! Whoosh!"

The man and woman blinked at each other. The woman reached into her purse and wrapped her hands around the pepper spray she kept for emergencies.

"Well", the man said, "that hippy over there appears to be planting a bomb."

"Enough distractions", Senator Government declared, "people aren't worried about that! We need to spend money on education so typical white people like you will know what issues are important!"

The man and woman blinked at each other again. The man scratched his head. His head hurt. Not a headache really, more of a think-ache.

"Do you see that baby across the street?" Senator Government pointed across the street. A young woman was cooing into a baby stroller. "Your so called 'bomber' is planting those bombs while that baby is still a baby. Now don't you think enough time has passed? Why can't we discuss the issues instead of dwelling on the past? Whoosh!"


Senator Government pretend flew beside the woman. "Give me 30 percent of whatever you have in your purse", he demanded, "it is the patriotic thing to do."

The woman sprayed the pepper spray in his face. Senator Government gave a blood curling yelp and started jumping up and down like a spoiled child.

The dirty hippy stopped what he was doing and approached them. He recognized Senator Government right away. "What's the matter, Barry?"

"Senator Government!" Barry managed to say between huge sobbing gulps of air. His face was streaming tears and pepper spray. "That mean lady did something to my eyes Uncle Billy! I was only trying to spread her wealth like you taught me!"

Uncle Billy wanted to lay into the couple something fierce. He decided against it because he was, after all, a dirty hippy and the woman had pepper spray. "We better get you home and cleaned up. My only regret is that I didn't finish blowing up that police station!"

Uncle Billy took Barry by the hand and crossed the street. Once across, they both shook there fists at the couple and continued walking home.

Does Doll Deliver Islamic Message?

baby talk

Has anyone seen this yet?

From the article:

Parents are outraged about the messages they're hearing from a doll. It's Fisher-Price's "Little Mommy Real Loving Baby Cuddle and Coo" doll.

Some people claim they can hear it mumble "Satan is king" in one track; then clearly speak "Islam is the light" in another.


Well, I listened to it. I have to be honest here ... I didn't hear any Islamic messages or anything else for that matter. It just sounds like baby gibberish to me. Click below and listen for yourself. Let me know what you think.

video

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Get a Good Look, Costanza?

I don't play them games



Also, this. Because I'm silly ... Yes, I know it is cheesy and not crafted very well. What can I say? I'm practicing.

Fail!

epic fail

From the Tubes to You

Headlines

Trivial

Study: Web Searching Keeps Brain From Getting Old
Good News! My brain will be the last thing to go.

Video games feature ads for Obama's campaign
Credit where credit is due. This is pretty smart. Although, the polling date is cutting it pretty close to the WOW expansion pack release date.

Sarah Palin Worrying the Left
Palin 2012. Sorry, things are looking bleak. McCain needs to score big tonight. That might still not be enough.

Rodney King coming clean on TV
Can't we all just get along? His fifteen minutes were up sixteen years ago.

Columns

The Talented Mr. Biden by Paul Greenberg
I don't know what is scarier: How well politicians lie? or how readily people accept their lies?

News

Obama Distances Himself From ACORN, Calls Controversy a 'Distraction'
No, it is a concern. It speaks to your judgement and character. The distraction is you trying to push these concerns under the rug. Also, the next time I hear someone say that you were only eight years old when your buddy was setting off bombs, I'm killing a sweet little bunny.

Obama And Ayers' Annenberg Failure
This is the guy we are going to hand the national purse over to. Nice.

Actor Duvall Blasts Palin Critics at Fundraiser
He's almost as formidable as Wilford Brimley. Almost. Actually, he's not even close, but still pretty scary.

Mom Angered to Find Obama Speech in Son's Middle-School English Text
One of the commentors says he is a proven scholar and statesman. I feel like I've been taking crazy pills.

Mom of missing Fla. girl indicted on murder charge
Burn, baby, burn. Disco inferno.

Use the comments if you find any of these interesting.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A Jam Handy Production

the name oozes quality

A while ago I saw a short film on Mystery Science Theater 3000. It was A Case of Spring Fever. The magic of the Internet allows me to post it here.



The video by itself is funny. Deliciously absurd, I would call it. MST3k makes it hilarious. It was made by a guy named Jam Handy. No, really. He was an interesting guy, actually. Kind of a poor man's Howard Hughes.

He produced short films for General Motors, the Armed Services (during World War II), and many others for schools and other companies. They all have a feel that takes me back to grade school. You can almost hear the projector running in the background. Grade school, for me, was the late seventies, early eighties. Yes, the films they sometimes showed us were probably from the fifties and sixties. I imagine it's very different today. Shame.

Jam Handy was also an Olympic Swimmer. Check out his Wiki Page. He was an interesting guy.

The Uninformed Voter

related to the undecided voter, but much more dangerous

Rachel Lucas posted an audio clip from the Howard Stern Show. Basically, an interviewer asks Obambi supporters what they like best about him; his pro-life stance, or the fact that he wants to stay in Iraq and finish the war. The results are not surprising.

This reminded me of an old Man Show bit. They set up a booth and got people to sign a petition to end Women's Suffrage. Here is the clip:

T Boone Pickens, That is Mr. T to you

slim's younger brother.

Frankj questions the judgement of T. Boone Pickens. Then shamelessly backs off because T. Boone is one of his advertisers.

Personally, I think there is something fishy about the guy. Normal people initial their middle names. What makes him so special? C. Thomas Howell does the same thing. He was Ponyboy in The Outsiders. That is way up there on the cool factor, but he also starred in Soul Man. Think about that.

Also, I don't like the way Obambi name dropped T. Boone Pickens when Bill O'Reilly asked about Obambi's energy plan.

Bill: "Tell me about your energy plan."

Obambi: "I spoke with T. Boone Pickens."

Bill: "Impressive. Let's move on."

That, of course, led me to this:



More: Blogspot will be offline for about 10 minutes tonight, starting at 8:00 PM PDT.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Michael Yon, Enough Said

like having your boots on the ground. minus the bullets.

Michael Yon is, without a doubt, the most compelling war journalist of our time. If you have never read him, click the link and get a first hand account of things. If you are familiar with him, you already know what I'm talking about.

Now go out there, read his newest account, and get you some knowledge.

Hat Tip: Barking Moonbat for pointing me to Yon's newest.

Trackbacks Enabled, Thanks Haloscan

that wasn't so bad

I was having some trouble with Blogger's trackback system. The problem, from what I understand is that Blogger takes an entirley different approach to trackbacks than the rest of the blogging world. I'm not going to get into it all right now. Google "blogger trackback", or something simuliar. Have fun.

Anyway, I signed up for Haloscan. Trackbacks are working now. I used Basil's blog as my guinee pig. Heh. Sorry about that Basil! The soreness will go away soon.

Also, comments are now run through Haloscan. As a result all of my previous comments are gone. There is probably a way to get them back, but, to be honest with you, I'm over it already. Sorry Justin. That soreness will go away as well, but it might sting for a bit.

Haloscan also provided the new star ratings. Yay.

Top Ten Reasons to Vote for Obambi

man, this is haaaard!

Basil has David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons to Vote For Obambi up. The only thing missing is Dave adjusting his tie and asking, "Is it hot in here?" My opinion, of course.

Such a shame. I used to watch Dave all of the time back in the eighties. My typical summer night went something like this:

1. Come home drunk.
2. Make some sloppy drunk food.
3. Watch Johnny Carson.
4. Watch David Letterman.
5. Watch Star Trek.
6. Pass out.
7. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat.

Oh, to be an early teen again. These days Dave is an angry, shrill lib-tard. Maybe he always was and I changed? I miss Johnny Carson.

Classic Movie Scenes

celluloid don't lie



A real tear jerker. I said tear, dammit, stop snickering.

The inspiration for this came from the time that Wilford Brimley may or may not have had relations with a puma. Take a look at these 5 cats that look like Wilford Brimley and judge for yourself.

The background image comes from the classic Canteen Boy and the Scout Master SNL skit.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Vote Reaper

I'm all ears



Zo is tearing YouTube the $*@! up!! I suggest checking out all of the machosauceproduction videos.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Another Newly Released Photo of Kim Jong Il

the man gets around



Yep, still looks crazy to me.

Incidentally, here's a fun fact. My inspiration for this was the wacky sports fan who showed up at all the major sporting events back in the seventies, wearing that wig. For some reason I associate him with the Houston Astros. It just now dawned on me that this is most likely due to the tacky rainbow uniforms the Astros wore in that era.

Anyway, via The Love of Sport's 10 Most Famous Sports Fans article I learned this:

With his rainbow-colored afro wig and John 3:16 signs, Rollen Stewart stood out from the crowd at numerous nationally televised sporting events during the late ‘70s and ‘80s. Rainbow Man was spotted at the World Series, the Indy 500, the Kentucky Derby, the NBA Finals, the Olympics and even made an appearance at the wedding of Princess Diana and Prince Charles. He was even parodied by Christopher Walken in a “Saturday Night Live” skit. Stewart’s now serving three consecutive life sentences for kidnapping. I wonder how he wears his hair for the boys in the joint.

Who woulda thunk that guy wasn't right in the head?

North Korea Releases Pictures of Kim Jong Il

in all his poofy glory

This is the first footage of the reclusive ruler released since August 14th. This comes amidst U.S. plans to remove North Korea from a terrorism blacklist.

Finally, some good news. I guess they must have really given up their evil ways over there in North Korea. Let me be the first to welcome the Norks into what I hope to be a long and prosperous era of peace between our nations.

Here is one of the newly released photos.



Wait a minute. What is that in the background? Is that ....? My God! Is that Alex Baldwin in a cage!?!? It is!!! Kim Jong Il hasn't stopped being evil! I don't even want to think about the things he has been doing to one of our biggest Hollywood stars.

Alex does seem to be in good spirits. What a brave man. What courage he is showing by managing a "buddy Christ" style pose under those conditions.

We can only hope that the reports are true and Kim Jong Il has a bad case of the diabeetus. I'm sure I don't have to remind anyone what happens to eastern savages who don't check their blood sugar.

New Site Layout

I wish I was this tidy in real life

I went with a three column template. Much better. I grabbed the template from Webtalks. Very easy to setup, and I only had to do some very minor modifications to get it looking the way I want. What a relief, because I didn't get into blogging to mess around with style sheets.

The only thing I am not completely satisfied with is the title banner. Eventually I'll have to get around to making a graphic for it. It can wait.

Oh, one other thing, the hulu videos I had embedded in old posts were too wide for the new layout. No biggie. I just went back and provided links for the videos instead of embeds. I'm already over it.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Clean Renewable Energy

what else you got?

Weekend Photoshop / Caption contest is up at Cowboy Blob's. Here is the photo and my entry:


Jed! Git the shotgun, we gots another wood pecker on the pile!

Head on over and have a go at it, or leave some captions in my comments.

Is That Who I Think It Is?

nah, couldn't be


Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate May Steal Support From McCain

I grabbed this from All American Blogger. The fella running on the third party ticket looks awfully familiar. It couldn't be. The fella I'm thinking of is backing John McCain.

The lady they interviewed is right, he doesn't look like he would have any problem at all drowning a bag of cats.

There is a Bear in My Bed

and it has the diabeetus real bad, pa
video
Yes, the Brim always sleeps with one eye open.

You may be asking yourself why I would make a video of Wilford Brimley sleeping? The answer, of course, is because it's the right thing to do.

For the classic cartoon enthusiasts among you, the background image I used was snagged from The Bear That Couldn't Sleep(1939).

In case anyone is interested, I use KeepVid to save YouTube videos to my computer. Whenever I need to change audio formats, I use Media-Convert.

If you think the audio sounds crappy, you are correct. I'm not very happy about it either. I have a Dell XPS M1730 laptop. It is supposed to be a high end laptop, and it is except for one very stupid little thing. For some reason, Dell decided to disable Stereo Mix on the sound card. As a result, I'm having trouble converting flash swf files to avi (or any other video format, for that matter). My work around for now is to use Camtasia to record my desktop.

Maybe one day I will quit being so lazy and call Dell to see if I can get my problem solved.

When Men Were Men

and sheep were scared

Frankj points out something so obvious that I can't believe nobody else picked up on it. Reporters lost their integrity when they stopped wearing fancy reporter hats.

It makes perfect sense to me. I'll take it a little further and say this country needs to get back into a pre "New Deal" mindset. After all, we are getting ready to go through The Great Depression II: this time it's personal.

As a nation, we need to pull together and adopt some of the phrases of old, such as:

"Look at the gams on that dame!"
"What's the big idea, mister?"
"What's your angle, Mac?"
"Yeah, see?"
"You'll never get me alive, coppers! Bah!"


It might not do anything to help the economy, but dammit it will be fun to say Bah! without fear of social awkwardness.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The O Team

I love it when a plan comes together

Ok, just one more tonight. I snagged this from Hog on Ice. It is too good to pass up.



Update: Somebody broke Youtube. I'm thinking a badger got into the internet tubes. Try the link to this video on the UK YouTube in the meantime.

All In The Dysfunctional Family

filmed in front of a live studio audience

This Picture:



plus

The sound from this video

plus

This movie style

equals

My next flash project. Well, maybe not that exact picture, but you get the idea, right?

Sometime this weekend. Stay tuned ...

Two People Stuck on an Escalator

help!!!



This is what happens when you rely on others to solve your problems. Thanks Democrats!

I first saw this on The War Room With Quinn and Rose.

A Harmless Milk Snake

I knew it all along

I did some research to find out what kind of snake it was that turned up dead in my basement yesterday.

I found what I was looking for on the Commonwealth of PA, Fish and Boat Commission website. (Fish and boat?)

From the website:


In particular, the harmless milk snake most often ends up at the wrong end of a garden hoe or shovel because it was believed to be a copperhead. Telephone calls to the Commission from homeowners with a snake in their basement, yard or garage usually begin with the person excitedly declaring, "we have copperheads!" In the end, after some information has been exchanged in all but a very few cases, the unexpected visitors are determined to be a species other than the copperhead.



The checkerboard pattern on the belly of the harmless eastern milk snake is another characteristic that can help people distinguish copperheads from nonvenomous snakes.

Luckily, my photo captures both the top, and underbelly.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Snake-Oil Salesman

get 'em while they're hot

I actually thought this one up before I found the snake in my basement today. Funny how it provided a nice segue.

Look What I found In My Basement

now how do I kill it?



Fortunately, it was already dead. I did smack it against a tree a few to twenty times, just to make sure. What can I say? I have been channeling Wilford Brimely lately and that is something he would have done. Why? 'Cause it's the right thing to do.

I did manage to stop myself from making a cut with my bone-handled knife and sucking the blood sugar from it. I was at least able to resist that idea from my inner Brim.

I'll have to google it later to see what kind of snake that is. If anyone knows, let me know in the comments.

Update: It's a harmless milk snake.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Adding Meta Description to Each Post on Blogger

because I care

Here is some code that will add the title of the post as it's meta tag description.

Add this to your template right under the <HEAD> tag.

<b:if cond='data:blog.pageType == "item"'>
<meta expr:content='data:blog.pageName' name='Description'/>
</b:if>

Before you mess with your template, you should always save a copy of it first ... just in case.

** I'm thinking if there is an element named pageName there is probably one named body or something similar. From there, it shouldn't be too hard to write some code to feed say, the first 10 - 20 words of your post to the description tag.

If I get around to it, I work on it. I'm not promising anything though. If anyone comes up with it, post it in the comments!

Hat tip: Commenter Dave from this post.

Wilford Brimley Is Closing In On Me

better check my blood sugar, and quick

I was checking out my sitemeter stats today and noticed repeat visits from a single domain. The ISP lists Wausau Insurance Companies. I googled them and clicked on the similar pages button. Check out the first link.

Next, someone from this company hit the blog. They viewed six pages. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the traffic, but I can't help but feel the Brim breathing down my neck.

If they ask, I will change the posts. I'm thinking Liberty Muzzle. All they have to do is ask and I will honor the request, 'cause it will be the right thing to do.

Update: Doh! Brimley spoke for Liberty Medical, not Liberty Mutual. My bad ... where were you guys on that one? Huh?

Sunday, October 5, 2008

VP Debate on SNL

coverage you can count on

Not bad at all. I especially liked Biden describing Scranton. I just wish Tina Fey wasn't such a flaming libtard, dog-gone-it.

Update: Hulu video did not fit into new template borders. Here is a link to the video.

I May Never Sleep Again

damn your eyes



Hat tip: I snagged the original picture off of IMAO many moons ago.

Brimley Endorses John McCain

and you can take that to the bank

Wilford Brimley here. I want to tell you that I endorse John McCain. I've known John for a few years now. We first met when I was vacationing in Hanoi back in '71. John is an honorable man. Also, I know for a fact that his blood sugar checks out because I have given him Snickers on many occasions.

I've been to the East many times, doing work for Liberty Medical. It is never easy for me to kill a man. However, I have no such feelings for savages and that part of the world is full of them. The people there are queer in the sense that there is not much sugar in their diets. Lots of rice and fish, but surely lacking in sugar.

I learned that the first time I traveled there. With no sugar to be found I quickly succumbed to a low sugar fugue. An entire village paid the price for it. I awoke to a puma licking about my face. It was rustling through my moustache like nobodies business but my own, cleaning out the critters and what not. Now, I am not fully sure if that puma and me had relations, but if you ever come across a bushy lipped wildcat you can be reasonably sure I'm it's pappy.

I learned my lesson from the experience and that is why I keep my saddlebags full of Snickers. They do the trick when I feel one of them low sugar fugues coming on. As a result I could appreciate the peacefulness of the country without fear of another episode.

I chose to vacation there because nothing soothes my diabeetus better than murdering low sugar savages. It also calms my moustache and whatever achieves that, my friends, is the right thing to do.

At any rate, I was filling a burlap sack with savages, so I could dispose of them on my own terms later, when I come across the camp known as the Hanoi Hilton. I met John, and Bud Day, and all the other good American men who were doing their time. When I think of the torments they were suffering it sets my moustache to bristling. I did not interfere, however, because it was their cross to carry and fate is not a thing to tamper with. The best I could do was slip Snickers through the fence for them and I was happy to do it.

The guards at the camp didn't give me any guff. They have a name for me in that part of the world. My mouth can't form the savage word but it is my understanding that it translates to something like "Formidable Round Eyed Bear Who Does Unspeakable Things To Wildcats After Murdering Entire Village And Also Has Diabeetus". At any rate, the guards let me come and go as I pleased.

I've said my piece. The long and short of it is that I'm backing John McCain because he is an honorable man. He has put his country first in the past, and it is my belief that he will do so in the future. Also, before I go I want to remind you to check your blood sugar. Otherwise, I will find you and I will kill you, and you can take that to the bank.

Warmest Regards,
Wilford Brimley

Saturday, October 4, 2008

The Beat of Just One Drum

whatchoo talkin 'bout willis?

Cowboy Blob has his Weekend Photoshop / Caption Contest up. Here is the photo and my caption entry. I don't know why I love these things, but I do ... and it makes me feel dirty.


Gary Coleman wasn't proud of mutilating the Shetland Pony, but they do make the finest drums.

Obama and Biden in Pulp Fiction

royale with cheese

I tivo'd the Bareass Obambi channel just like I promised I would. The programming has gotten a little better. In fact, the movie that was on is one of those where I have to sit and watch until the end no matter where in the story I happen on it.



More on the production of this later. It was quite the hassle. Making it was fun. Converting it from swf format? Not so much. Enjoy. My next project will be Wilford Brimely doing scenes from Sling Blade. I'm cracking up just thinking about it.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Mmmm, Chicken

a whole boat load of it

I'm getting ready to watch the debate, just like everyone else. Bill O'Rielly is smacking Barney Frank around.

I can't tell if Barney reminds me of Buddy Hackett or Mickey Rooney. Maybe a mixture of both. It is possible I'm confusing both of them with Ernest Borgnine. Let's go to the tape.



Too close to call. Let's move on.

I really have no idea what Bill and Barney are yelling about. Something about the economy. Is there a problem with the economy? Bill should really keep his show focused on the issues. You can rest assured that this blog will only cover the stories that matter. For instance:

KFC Fines Woman for Staying Too Long to Gorge on Fast Food.
Some British lady was two-fisting chicken legs while the meter was running in the parking lot. The article didn't include any pictures of her, thankfully, but it did manage to capture a 'before' picture of the bucket before she descended upon it.



You know something? I do have a photo of this woman, but she was calling herself Marge then.

Here comes the debate. Go Sarah!

The Boob Tube

make it stop

Bareass Obambi has his own Dish Network channel. I decided to check it out and ended up watching this for nine hours:



I set my Tivo so stay tuned ... more to come. First, I have to go get my mind scrubbed.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Find Your Happy Place

and destroy it

My advice for how Sarah Palin should treat the debate? First, think of something non-threatening. Then, project that onto Joe Biden. Finally ... attack!!

Check Your Blood Sugar

or I will murder you where you sleep

Wilford Brimley here. You might have heard that the senior Tallyban Leader died this week. You might even have heard that he died of the diabeetus. Well, I'm here to give my account of it and you can be damn sure it is the true account.

I was riding my horse in Kansas, going from town to town, checking folks blood sugar when I got word from Liberty Medical that I was needed in Pakistan. They told me this Tallyban fella had the diabeetus something fierce and needed to be put down. It is never easy for me to kill a man but dammit he should have checked his blood sugar when he had the chance. I wasn't gonna feel bad about sending him the Hell. Not one iota.

The folks at Liberty Medical offered to parachute me in there but I told them Wilford Brimley don't parachute nowheres. I tunneled my way from Wichita to the Afghan / Pakistan border. When I come out of the ground I looked like some deranged, bushy badger.

They know me well in those parts. I've been there many times spreading my message and my seed. Those hills remind me of my days hunting renegade Apache in the Sierra Nevada's. In fact, the Afghans know me by my Apache name, Bear with Diabeetus.

I crept over to Pakistan in the dead of night. It didn't take long for me to catch his stink on the wind and follow it to his cave. I could smell the diabeetus coursing through his veins as if my moustache was saturated with it.

"Bear with Diabeetus, I've been expecting you! Lulululululu." He come at me with his Tallyban war cry. I jerked the AK-47 from his feeble hands and slapped him with my moustache. I could have strangled him right then and there but never let it be said that Wilford Brimley isn't a fair man. I gave him one of my revolvers.

"Now we're gonna have a duel. When my moustache twitches, that means go." I got the drop on him and finished him off by strangling him with my bare hands. End of story.

Before I leave you here, I just want to make sure you understand the lesson to be had from this story. It is very simple. Check your blood sugar and check it often, or I will creep into your house and murder you with my bare hands.

Warmest regards,
Wilford Brimley

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